Have your cake…

21 Oct

I cannot share dessert.

I am a pretty adept sharer when it comes to most things. I could put many a kindergartener to shame with my sharing abilities, whether it be food, use of the remote control, clothes, germs.

But when it comes to dessert? You better back away, avert your eyes, and pray I didn’t catch you leering at my mousse cake, looking at it like you’ve seen it naked.

I am the WORST dessert sharer.

Don’t believe me? Ask my cousin who I once stabbed with my fork because she went for the crust a little too aggressively.The worst part is that I didn’t even realize my fork was making contact with her flesh. It was a reflex that was born out of some dark, hungry place I suppose.

I don’t know what it is about the whole dessert family that makes me a maniac, but, Reader, if we ever find ourselves bent over the same slice of Red Velvet Cake you better mind your p’s and q’s if you want to make it to your next meal.

When I look at a slice of pie I see a natural progression of dessert eating. There is the tip of the slice which everybody tries to grab, am I right? Then there is the body of the slice which everyone always attacks with huge forkfuls. And then there is the crust. Oh, the crust!! The crust is like the Dead Man’s Bluff of the cake/pie. Many have proven themselves worthy of dessert sharing until reaching this pivotal section. If someone goes for the crust right away or takes a piece and the whole thing capsizes I CANNOT DEAL. I shoot the unsuspecting sharer a death glare and vow to never share with them again.

This is not something I’m proud of by-the-way. I consider this a major character flaw. If I’m just getting to know someone I will never opt for dessert. As a matter of fact, I have friends I have known for years who still have never gotten dessert with me because no one needs to deal with that type of lunacy. I am so anal when it comes to the glory that is cake I never eat it, so basically I will never be able to have my cake and eat it too…

…unless you want there to be a blood bath.

2 Responses to “Have your cake…”

  1. Sarah Hoffman October 22, 2011 at 12:00 pm #

    lol. The best part of the story was that that piece of crust was equally mine as it was yours!! We were sharing to begin with! Never again… except for that one time we went on that cupcake tour, but I think that was different =)

  2. tootsiewoo October 25, 2011 at 6:59 am #

    Yeah, why was I fine on the cupcake tour?! I never thought about that! Maybe it was because I had about 12 cupcakes in my already so I didn’t have the energy to fight…

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