Bathroom Conundrum

Whenever I am in girls’ bathroom (which naturally I should use…because I’m a girl…) I am always surprised to see an unflushed toilet without any toilet paper in it.

 My first thought is that the unlucky person before me discovered there was no toilet paper once it was to late and had to finish her bathroom duties sans TP. But then I check and discover there is plenty of paper!

So who is this phantom peepee-er and how do they get by without partaking in every womans right to care for her cha cha with “insert name of preferred brand here?” Is she hermaphroditic? With certain spare -ahem- parts that excuse the need for toilet paper? Is she overly concerned with the environment? So much so that any use of paper is abhorent to her? Was it just a dude who got confused? Or a dude who gets off peeing in a girls room because of the cleanliness and the private stalls and proximity to ladies? Or is it some weird chick who just doesn’t use paper, just because, just because of said weirdness.

I will never know. I will continue to use bathrooms as I always have (because that doctor refuses to give me a catheter so I don’t have to pee during movies…) and will undoubtedly run into the phantom urinater again, and will be left to wonder: why?

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Letter to My Dog

Dear Rascal,

I don’t want you to feel neglected with all my letters going directly to Roxy, so now it’s your turn… Thank you SO much for peeing on the floor today. Really. Not only could you not relieve your, no doubt, filled to the brim bladder 5 minutes prior when you were on your walk, surrounded by many bushes worthy of your Pure Bred Urine but you peed right in my path making my stepping in it inevitable. It is that characteristic thoughtfulness of yours that really makes cleaning up your shit the highlight of my day.

Love,

Tootsie Woo