Enough about you

This is the perfect time to start a blog. I am at the perfect intersection of my life, where the two roads of Boredom and Doing-Nothing-With-My-Life have met and I feel it is now time to begin something new, something fresh, something more worthwhile than watching the entire season of 30 Rock for the (literal) 6th time and talking to my dogs in baby voices for hours on end.

Also, Saturday Night Live just started so I’m feeling inspired!

As this is our first date, Audience of No One, I feel like it the perfect time to talk siblings, summer camps, and past dirty dreams involving authority figures. It is also the perfect time to explain my intentions with you…are we talking long-term relationship? Taking things slows? Or is this just a one night, wham-bam-thank-you-ma’am dealie?

And just like your typical date, I am going to be charming, manipulative, misleading, and vague and tell you exactly what you want to hear so I can get what I want out of this relationship:)

I’m 6’10”, 635 lbs, and am like a centaur except I have the top of a capuchin monkey and the bottom of J.Lo (picture it). I also speak elfish (conversationally) and have hair made entirely out of snakes.

Now, if you believed even half of that than you’re just the type of reader I’m looking for. Happy reading and I will talk to you soon!

Advertisement