Tag Archives: alcohol

Quotation of the Night

9 Feb

“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.” -Dylan Thomas


Saturday Night Liquor

20 Nov

Last night I topped off a bottle of wine and watched the newest episode of Saturday Night Live. Do I have to mention again how much I love this show!? Hopefully not, because I’m getting a semi just thinking about it (my brother taught me that word and I’m pretty sure I’m misusing it). I  LOVE SNL. Also, something was perfect about the wine and comedy combination. On the drunk scale I was somewhere between feeling myself up and saying everything with a Jamaican accent (refer to drunk scale at bottom) which made my comedy receptors super sharp…or my standards super low… Anyway, I haven’t enjoyed an episode that much in a while and it didn’t hurt that Jason Segel (my lover) was hosting and being wonderful and tall and awkward and musical as always. Of course, by the end I was inching towards cartwheels (refer to chart) and was not understanding what was going on…there was a sketch with girls in neon over-alls and I was BEYOND lost…but all and all it was a fantabulous show full of laugh-making and snort inducing jokes.

If I can do anything with this rambling, odd post (which I obviously wrote while watching SNL intoxicated…duh) it is inspire you to watch SNL, a show that is certainly returning to greatness with new top dogs like Bill Hader, Jason Sudeikis, and Kristen Wiig. And much like a nerd who hired a prostitute to take him to prom, maybe you will watch SNL and think its cool simply because I am on it’s arm at the prom…where am I going with this. Wait? Did I make myself the prostitute of that scenario? Ok, watch SNL, you jags!

Favorite quote of the night: “I’m dying! I’m dying and I never made sex to a girl!”

Drunk Scale:

The giggles

All your friends look more attractive (even Hump-back Harry)

YOU look more attractive, that purple lipstick WAS a good idea (no it wasn’t)

You only talk in Anchorman quotes

Feeling yourself up (boobs are weird!)

You only speak with a Jamaican accent (you’re offensive)

Let’s get nachos!!

You give really intrusive hugs and start jokingly unhooking bras

Drawing a mustache on your face with permanent marker

Aaaaannnddd you’re doing cart-wheels

Aaaaandddd you’re throwing up on Hump-back Harry while on the way to second base