Tag Archives: banking

About Bank: “You get one phone call”

19 Oct

An unfamiliar ID is slammed down on my counter.

I look down to read:

Inmate ID #27586

Cute Puppies Correctional Facility**

I look up to see:

Mean looking man with buzzed hair and tattoos encircling his neck like a gruesome scar.

Customer: I need to cash a check.

Tootsie Woo: Ok, do you have an account with us?

Customer: No, but it’s written off of you guys!

Tootsie Woo: That’s fine, that’s fine, I will just need two forms of ID from you.

Customer: What?! Two forms? Like what?!

Tootsie Woo: Well, we’d accept a driver’s license, state ID, employee ID, student ID, Passport, vehicle registration, armed forces ID…um…

Customer: I don’t have any of those, this is all I have! (he indicated his Inmate ID that I wasn’t even allowed to use, yikes)

Tootsie Woo: Ok…(think fast Tootsie, think fast, get on your tippy toes to look more intimidating)…you don’t have anything else?

Customer: This. Is. All. I. HAVE. I just got out of prison TODAY!

And he brought out the big guns, just like that.That was the look on my face when he said that, by the way.

How can you just throw that at a person, a complete stranger no less, and expect them to recover?!

I’ll have you know I have a lot of customers who have just been released from jail (that very day) and they have come to cash checks that they were given by the jail, so that it’s not like that experience is new to me. I’ll admit, the first time it happened I was on my guard (despite feeling bad for judging a person I didn’t even know) but they were so embarrassed and apologetic that that was their only ID we both quickly got over it. It usually does become a very sticky situation because none of them have valid ideas because they are take from them when they are incarcerated and all they are left with are these Inmate IDs that I’m not even allowed to take as a form of identification. This usually leads to me pleading their case to my manager, Silver Panther**, who then agrees to cash the check.Though, I CANNOT CASH THEM WITHOUT APPROVAL.

I repeat, I’ve done that type of transaction many times, sometimes several times in one day.

But when a customer tries to use that ID as a way to intimidate little ole me into cashing his/her check even though he/she doesn’t have even 1 of the 2 forms ID we ask of every customer? OH NO, shorty don’t play like that.

I’ve worked this situation out with many a pleasant (albeit recently released from prison) customer, and was not about to take this “ish” from Mr. Leslie Bubble Butt** (he needs to have a demeaning nickname, obviously) and I swiftly pointed him in the direction of Silver Panther, to duke it out with him.

Shorty. Don’t. Play. Like. That.

Don’t mess with me, Leslie. Do make me smack you with my rings turned around.*

**Obvious fake name

*Violence isn’t the answer***

***Violence isn’t the answer except in cases of bad dessert sharing



Quotation of the Day

19 Oct

“A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain.” -Mark Twain