Bilingual Love

Let me introduce you to my fiancé:

“Do cats poop and pee out of one butt?” he asked earnestly.

That’s right, not only am I engaged, but it’s to a man who is blissfully ignorant of basic feline anatomy. To be fair, I’ve never seen my cat’s Lady Saint James either, so I guess it’s an easy mistake. BUT STILL. And to be even more fair, English is his 5th language, so I think he’s doing pretty well.

If you were to meet him, you wouldn’t even be able to begin to guess where he’s from. He manages to look vaguely Latino, Middle Eastern, and Asian all in one glance, with an accent that is part Russian and part Borat. I’ve seen the guessing game go on and on and people still have no clue, but are very much intrigued none-the-less.

In reality, he is Persian and from a -stan country that was a part of the former USSR, which accounts for the accent and the dark, mysterious, countenance. Yes, I said a -stan country. I’m not PC.

In our daily life, we come in contact with many extreme cultural differences that range from the adorable to the bizarre. There is the cute habit of wearing a hat to bed when he has a headache. And then there is the eating with your hands thing. I cannot get onboard.

But best of all, are the hilarious misuses of the English language that I try it catalogue to the best of my ability. So please keep your eyes peeled for some more gems.

For now, I will leave it at that because we have to “make a laundry” and that might take a while.

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I rushed to help a woman lift her stroller up the subway stairs before realizing it was a homeless man carrying a stolen stroller full of garbage. One of the many harsh realities of urban living.

WC

Traveling for me is like taking a tour of another city’s Starbucks toilets.

I spent all of yesterday in Washington D.C. (taking care of some top secret government stuff) and measured the day in bathrooms. Let me be clear, I am not confessing some dark digestive woes. I am just a girl with a small to average sized bladder, who has to pee a normal amount of times. Yet, whenever I travel I find my sole concern being where I’m going to relieve myself in each new, barren, toilet-less jungle. Except at least in a jungle you can just go in a pile leaves. Every time I was headed to a new spot, I was derailed by an immediate need (ok, I have the bladder of an elderly Pomeranian) to find a bathroom. And this went on and on, until I realized I might as well have stayed home, where I already have acquired a GPS like accuracy when it comes to finding hidden public restrooms. I mean, where the public toilets at? What are tourists supposed to do when they have to…do?

Maybe I’m a little too focused on this and maybe most people have it all figured out. All I know is that I skipped the Washington Monument to wait in a long bathroom line at Pret a Manger in Capitol Hill. Three times. And that ain’t right.

 

 

Quotation of the Night

“An alcoholic is someone you don’t like who drinks as much as you do.” -Dylan Thomas

Quotation of the Night

“I thoroughly disapprove of duels. If a man should challenge me, I would take him kindly and forgivingly by the hand and lead him to a quiet place and kill him.” -Mark Twain

 

 

Quotation of the Night

“Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.” -Fletcher Knebel

Quotation of the Night

“In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad mood.” -Douglas Adams

 

Quotation of the Night

“For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.” -Alice Kahn

 

Quotation of the Night

“A friend is someone who will help you move. A real friend is someone who will help you move a body.” -Unknown

 

Quotation of the Night

“Never eat more than you can lift.” -Miss Piggy