Letter to My Dog

10 Nov

Dear Roxy,

I would be remiss if I didn’t thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for peeing on my bed the other night. I realize that you might have confused my comfortable, warm place of rest for the grass you normally relieve yourself on so it must have been embarrassing for you. I know I was embarrassed when I peed in a fake toilet at that children’s “Please Touch Museum.” Let me also put out there that I’m a LITTLE peeved about the whole thing. Little, like your bladder. I graciously invited you into my room, allowed you to play on my bed, put on Animal Planet so you could look at the cute boys dogs, and how do you repay me? You let a little pee come out. Not a lot but just ENOUGH that I’m not sure what the mysterious liquid is and have to get real close to it to double check. I understand it wasn’t your intention to tinkle on my lovely sheets but you got a little too excited and then after acted like it wasn’t no thang but a chicken wang on a strang! And, I mean, we’ve all been there but I don’t urinate where you sleep! So thank you, THANK YOU, for using the bed as your personal urinal. I’ll be sure to return the favor someday. Because I’m mature like that.




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