A week ago I was lucky enough to meet up with my dear, dear, AMAZING, devastatingly handsome, immaculate dresser, snake charmer, friend Beau**, a friend who literally saves me from my own craziness on a daily basis with a quick and knowing look and the occasional, loving bitch-slap. It is actually a travesty that this is first time I am mentioning him because he is such an important part of my life. Beau and I currently live in different cities, something we are having trouble dealing with seeing that we are a tad co-dependent when it comes to the other, but he had the idea that on his only day off we should meet half-way between our two cities and explore the new midpoint city together.
So I excitedly boarded my train (I LOVE TRAINS!) in my highest heels (heels are for winners) and bought the trashiest magazines I could find. Beau and I were both unfamiliar with the city we were meeting in but were sure that it was no match for us and that we would find everything we were looking for: alcohol, lots of alcohol, a lot of alcohol, food to offset the alcohol, oh, and a bracelet that said “patience” on it for a friend of his. Who would’ve thought that those few things would be so hard to find in one of the largest cities in the U.S.?
After hours of desperate wandering, with 20 new blisters on my feet (who wears brand new 5-inch heels for a day of walking!? heels are for losers…), we finally found a restaurant. We were fed and liquored up and thought our directional skills showed promise, but were we wrong…Cut to several more hours of wondering where I was considering taking my shoes off and contracting hepatitis by some hypodermic needle I would inevitably step on.
Lucky for us, we are both excellent company (modest, I know) so there was never a dull moment. In fact, if were on a deserted island and I could have 3 “things” I would certainly bring Beau (along with an endless supply of movie-theater pop-corn and the movie The First Wives Club, obviously). Now, I don’t know how he would feel about me dragging him onto a desert island with me…maybe if I called it a “dessert” island…wait, in what type of scenario would I knowingly go on a deserted island, first of all, and why would I only bring three things?? Who invented that highly improbable “game?” I digress…
As our day of wondering and insane joy came to a close (after almost getting shanked by two shady looking 12-year-olds outside a voodoo shop) we found a store that advertised eco-friendly products and went inside. Now, I love the environment as much as the next ho but I kinda hate stores that are all in your face about how great they are with all their “recycled” shit, and all that blah blah blah “sustainable future” mumbo jumbo because a month later there will undoubtedly be a video of the company’s owner clubbing a baby seal…However, this store had cute stuff, so hypocrisy aside I went in. What we found was a glorious brand of novelty items (www.blueq.com) that I’m sure many of you have seen before. There were coin banks, hand sanitizers, mints, oh my! Beau and I decided that we would buy each other the coin bank that best suited the other as a souvenir of our glorious day of friendship (commence eye rolling)! The coin bank at the top was my gift along with this hand sanitizer…
Luckily our friendship will last longer than that sanitizer…
Adventures of TootsieWoo 