Letter to My Dog

29 Feb

Dear Roxy,

Why are you such a shameless skank? If I wasn’t there when we adopted you I would’ve thought you popped out of some two-bit mutt who sold her wares for biscuits in an alley somewhere. I saw you the other day, wagging your butt–yes your butt, not your tail–at all the other boy dogs passing by, even at Rascal, you’re uncle! Slut. And you do not discriminate when you are spreading your love, legs, and herpes. Oh no. Why, whenever anyone sits down next to you you flip right on your back and are belly up for the world to see your eight boobs. Eight. Show off. This isn’t the 70s, we wear bras now and know what a bikini wax is. So why don’t you get some self respect, cover up your naughty bits, and pass along the title of Town Bicycle to the next generation of insecure and undignified whores who line the streets trying to pay for “computer school.”

Love,

Tootsie

hooker

2 Responses to “Letter to My Dog”

  1. mooselicker February 29, 2012 at 4:59 pm #

    With 8 boobs how can you not be a slut? For some reason I see Roxy having jungle fever. My dog has a crush on a black man. I figured he was gay because sometimes when I shower he pokes his head in and drinks the water, but never thought he’d betray his race.

    • tootsiewoo February 29, 2012 at 7:10 pm #

      Can’t blame a man. My dog definitely doesn’t have Jungle Fever, she’s a stone cold racist. If you’re not white she barks at you…I think her pure, fine white fur turned into somewhat of a White Supremacist. oops.

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