People who ruin things

2 Dec

Dear People who like to ruin movies by obnoxiously calling what’s going to happen before it happens,

STOP.

Love,

EVERYONE ELSE. EVEN YOUR MOM.

I get it. You’re super smart, you know everything about everything, you’re the coolest thing since sliced bread (which I’ve never thought was so cool but…), you’re bringing sexy back,

BUT SHUT THE FUCK UP.

And I get that you need me to KNOW how incredibly smart you are for calling the end of No Strings Attached (they obviously end up together, it’s a Romantic Comedy not a documentary on the inbred hill-people of Kentucky) but I need you to…SHUT THE FUCK UP.

How about this? You write down the ending you predict on a piece of paper and put it in a sealed envelope. When the movie is done I will read it and praise you for your amazing psychic ability because, let’s face it, you’re not going to get much praise in this life. And then I’ll punch you in the balls. Because if this describes you then you’re an asshole. And if you don’t have balls I’ll punch you in the ovaries.

8 Responses to “People who ruin things”

  1. Lily December 4, 2011 at 2:20 pm #

    Seriously this is hatred. I also hate when people say a joke that’s in a movie before the characters even say it. It’s like, “Okay, we get it. You’ve seen this movie before” SHUT UP. Why is everyone so annoying?

    • tootsiewoo December 6, 2011 at 7:02 pm #

      Why. do. people. do that???? I hate that. There is a certain unspoken code we movie goers follow and some people do not respect it. For shame! 20 lashings!

  2. mooselicker December 4, 2011 at 3:53 pm #

    You’re so racist.

    • tootsiewoo December 6, 2011 at 7:04 pm #

      Whoa, i have a color blind hatred of random people who suck. I reserve my right to indiscriminately dislike those who mess with my shi’ (i.e. my brother, who does this every time we watch a movie together).

  3. Michael Cargill December 5, 2011 at 8:04 am #

    To be honest anyone who feels the need to speak during a film shares intellectual properties with an anus. There is no need for it, just shush the shush up.

    And no I don’t want to pause the film and take guesses at who the guilty person is.

    • tootsiewoo December 6, 2011 at 7:06 pm #

      Why can’t people just watch the movie?!?! so simple! I recently watched a movie with a guy (in the theater, mind you) who thought it would be fun to reach his hands up and air grab any pair of breasts that happened across the screen, and he giggled while doing so. NOT COOL. It was a matinee! Senior citizens were present!

  4. Danniel December 7, 2011 at 9:47 pm #

    They end up together in No Strings Attached? I was just about to watch that, but nope, now you’ve ruined it for me…I’m kidding.

    • tootsiewoo December 8, 2011 at 4:37 pm #

      OOPS. actually that was a decoy ending, they really kill each other in a fight to the death and their bodies are donated to science and at the very end there is an alien takeover…something like that.

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