Letter to My Dog

19 Nov

Dear Rascal,

Last night I spotted you inching towards the courtesy mat that is laid out for you in case of emergency bathroom situations. It is there to preserve your own dignity and modesty, though you never seem to appreciate that fact. As you reached the mat I quickly rushed you outside to the nice, dewy lawn, for you to declare that land yours. You peed outside (FINALLY) and I was so proud! As I leaned down to pet you and stroke your ego a bit you bit me on the lip. On the fucking lip! Why did you treat me thus? Was it because I had forced you to rest your buttocks on the wet lawn instead of the warm mat? Did I pet you a little too forcefully, caught up in my pride? Or are you just a little bitch that felt like biting my mother fucking lip?! You know what Rascal? I’m going to take it as a sign of the misplaced rage you have because you love me so much and you can never be with me, due to our difference in species (damn you, animal cruelty laws!). That must be it. Because if that’s not it you better pray you don’t try that shit again or I’ll be wearing you as a coat.

Love,

Tootsie Woo

8 Responses to “Letter to My Dog”

  1. tootsiewoo November 19, 2011 at 7:36 pm #

    Letter to Tootsie…
    I’ll piss where I want too!
    – The Dog

  2. Becoming Bitter November 21, 2011 at 1:00 am #

    Letter to Dog…

    Obey me I’m your master f*cktard!

    – Tootsie

    P.S. – I apologize in advance if I ‘crossed a line’.

    • tootsiewoo November 21, 2011 at 12:08 pm #

      NO fear, Bitter! The line is never crossed here at Tootsie Woo Inc., as it is more of a dotted swirly thing, so it’s often over-looked. My dog is a total fucktard and I type that word with complete and utter joy!

  3. mooselicker November 21, 2011 at 2:29 pm #

    Your dog can read? I think you need to give it a pass.

    Dogs are confusing. Mine likes his butt scratched and smacked most of the time. Then sometimes he cries when I do it. But he still shoves his ass in my face. What a gay dog.

    • tootsiewoo November 22, 2011 at 12:04 am #

      Wow, it sounds like he has an anal fixation. It is kinda weird that you discovered he likes it smacked though… And yes my dog is an excellent reader, he actually was the inspiration for The Reader, but they made it a young German guy in the movie because they thought it would be easier to relate to.

  4. Cafe23 November 24, 2011 at 11:36 pm #

    LOL thank you for amusing me today 🙂

    • tootsiewoo November 25, 2011 at 12:21 am #

      Thanks!! It’s all my dog! He’s just a lovable butt-hole that loves to blog!

      • Cafe23 November 25, 2011 at 9:27 am #

        Hehe =P .. Somehow I don’t think he can take all the credit, but that’s cute 🙂

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