Bear Attack!

18 Oct

I have an irrational fear of bears.

I wish I could explain it to you better than that but I can’t.

And not only am I afraid of bears, but I am afraid of them in the most irrational places. Those irrational places being EVERYWHERE.

Taking a delightful stroll at sunset in my non-bear-inhabited neighborhood? BEAR ATTACK.

Walking in and out of the non-bear-inhabited gym? BEAR ATTACK.

Riding “It’s a Small World” in Disney World? BEAR ATTACK.

Looking for tuna in the supermarket–uh-oh bears like fish don’t they–? BEAR ATTACK!

I am constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure a hungry grizzly isn’t lurking in the background, which is quite stressful! I can’t go to the zoo or follow Chicago-area sports! And until I get over this unpleasant phobia I will continue perfecting the slowly walking away, and helicopter arm-swinging I am told will put an aggressive bear in its place if they ever approach me. I guess it’s my cross to bear.

Or my bear to cross.

And now some music, courtesy of Grizzly Bear, “Two Weeks.” (I’m sorry, I thought the song would be about a Grizzly Bear, how misleading…)

6 Responses to “Bear Attack!”

  1. smdurst1957 October 19, 2011 at 7:39 pm #

    “I shot a bear (elephant) in my pajamas how he got in my pajamas I’ll never know” Groucho Marx

    • tootsiewoo October 19, 2011 at 9:59 pm #

      Thanks for visiting my blog, Groucho! I’m a big fan of your work.

      -Tootsie Woo

  2. For Better GENiUS November 29, 2011 at 12:45 am #

    WWOOOOO! another chance to shamelessly spread the privilege to read my shit hahahahhaa http://forbettergenius.wordpress.com/2011/10/27/grizzly-mauling-retort/

    • For Better GENiUS November 29, 2011 at 12:45 am #

      in a topic-related fashion, naturally

    • tootsiewoo November 29, 2011 at 1:40 am #

      BEAR TWINS! And I did not appreciate the first part that described the mauling because of my bear fear!! But I powered through it, so success! Great (disturbing) post!

      • For Better GENiUS November 29, 2011 at 2:34 am #

        hehhehehehehehehe well there’s more coming up tomorrow hahaha. you’ll seeeee

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