Dear Roxy,
I would like to express my thanks for your decision to pass gas while sitting on my lap today and always. You’re right, the air was getting a little too fresh. And thank you also for continuing to fart for the next ten minutes without pause, making me a little light-headed. At least when Rascal does his thing he looks embarrassed by it, but not you. Nope, you just continue to nibble on your paws and vigorously clean your lady parts, totally unapologetic. Who knew something so little could produce something so foul? Congratulations on reaching a new form of disgusting.
Love,
Tootsie Woo
Adventures of TootsieWoo 
Like dog, like owner.
Unfinished
I taught her well. Blame someone else and walk away.